Have 您 ever been going about 您r day and then suddenly remembered something from 您r childhood that, only now as an adult, 您 realize wasn’t quite right?

家庭剪影

Sometimes it can be something innocent like 您r father joking that eating a seed would make a tree grow in 您r stomach. But other times, it’s a case of 情绪操纵 or childhood abuse that continues to affect 您 even today.

Growing up in a dysfunctional 家庭 can lead to an equally dysfunctional adulthood. No matter how hard 您 try not to mirror 您r parents, there are triggers that can reignite the same negative behaviors in 您rself.

学习 表明一个人生活中未解决的创伤可能会对他们的孩子造成负面影响。重现这种有毒的环境,尤其是当您有自己的孩子时,总是担心您不应该这样做。’不必生活。但是你’除非您承认自己的过去仍在影响着您,否则您将永远不会打破这个循环。意识是康复的第一步,因此需要注意以下四个迹象:

1. 您’re overly critical of 您rself

悲伤的人看着窗外

Toxic parents tend to be harsh critics and the fear of disappointing others never really goes away. 您 may have extremely high standards for 您rself and sometimes go out of 您r way to accomplish something with the hope 您’ll finally earn 您r parents’ approval.

有关: 4 Major Ways Toxic People Can Decrease 您r Brain’s Performance

扰流板警报:他们’ll never give 您 the satisfaction — and that’可以您拥有一个成功人士的所有才能,而他们的认可并没有’t get 您 to where 您 are now. So 您 certainly don’不需要它继续前进。

2. 您 blame 您rself for other people’s unhappiness

When 您r parents always blame their own anger and unhappiness on 您, that constant sense of guilt can linger throughout adulthood. If 您 still justify other people’s bad behavior at 您r own expense, then 您’re playing into 您r parent’s belief that 您 are always to blame.

您’re not. Every person is perfectly capable of deciding on their own actions. Unless 您’ve mastered mind control, their shortcomings are not 您r fault.

3. 您’re a “people-pleaser”

一起工作的同事

那里’s a difference between being a kind person and going out of 您r way to please absolutely everyone. When and affection n’t a constant factor growing up, 您 may find 您rself seeking it at every turn as an adult.

Buying things 您 can’负担不起,很难说“no” and being overly-generous with 您r time are just some examples of this people-pleasing behavior. This will lead to 您 spreading 您rself thin, feeling guilty, tired and generally unhappy.

您 will never be able to please everyone in the world and trying to will only burn 您 down. Focus on making 您rself happy first.

4. 您 repeat their words to 您rself

When 您 hear something often enough, it becomes ingrained in 您r mind and can pop up without being prompted. When 您 grew up in a 有毒家庭, the words that flash across 您r mind tend to be negative.

The constant loop of negative thoughts can be exhausting and cripple 您r ability to take on new projects. Don’t listen to them, they were wrong when 您 were a child and they’re still wrong now.

What 您 can do to break the cycle

No matter where 您 are in life, 您’能够打破毒性循环。你的童年没有’t have to send 您r own children to therapy later on. Remember that 您 are not 您r parents, nor do 您 have to be.

上面提到的迹象是随着时间的推移而学会的所有行为,并且经过这么多年很难被踢出。但是,就像大多数已习得的习惯一样,可以用更好的习惯代替。

有关: 如何为有毒的人做好健康的关系准备

当您发现自己重复与父母一样刻薄的话时,请有意识地努力以积极的态度对付他们 那些。例如,不要告诉自己“you’re doing it wrong”, replace it with “you’re learning a valuable lesson and 您’下次再说”。对每一个消极的思想,态度和行为都要这样做,直到成为积极的人成为第二天性。

Granted, putting a stop to repeating unhealthy patterns is a long-term effort. Just like a wound, healing from 您r toxic parents will take time. But as long as 您 remain firm in 您r efforts to correct 您rself and be the person 您 wish 您 had as a child, 您r past experiences will cease to affect 您 and those around 您. The first step is to take one.

疗愈需要勇气,即使我们必须付出一点努力才能找到,我们所有人都有勇气。