饶恕 并非总是容易被赋予,因此,它一直是一个复杂的概念。当我们受到某人的伤害时,感觉会阻碍并决定我们的行动。一个人原谅另一个人可能要花费几年甚至几分钟。

但是可以肯定的是,宽恕要求我们超越自我,找到同理心。因此,当黛比·贝格里(Debbie Baigrie)在抢劫中被枪杀时,很少有人会想到她会来帮助那个做他的人的自由。

抢劫可能夺走了她的生命

Back in 1990, 13-year-old 伊恩 Manuel was living in Tampa’最贫穷,最暴力的住房项目。就在7月的一个晚上,他的生活即将转入最坏的境地。

当他与一群年龄较大的青少年一起闲逛时,他陷入了这种年龄的孩子本不应该进入的境地。

黛比 had just had her second child and was on an evening out with friends when the group of teenagers approached her. They threatened her but it was 伊恩, despite being the youngest, who held the gun.

“我从后面听到‘我是认真的,放弃它。” Baigrie recalls.

那’s when 13-year-old 伊恩 pulled the trigger and shot her right in the face. The outcome could have been fatal. “It blew out all the bottom teeth and the gums on the lower left side of my mouth,” 她说.

结果,她的前牙也被打掉,并且舌头的一部分被撕裂了。

她不能’理解孩子在这种情况下的生活

她告诉她:“事发后的几天,我明显感到害怕和痛苦。” 。 “我一直在想,谁能做到这一点?”

伊恩 was arrested 3 days later for another crime. 那’他承认自己是黛比的时候’是射手,但直到报纸上看到她的年龄或身份,她才意识到这一点。这个消息使她震惊。

我要13岁?!不可能有一个13岁的孩子开枪打我。他只是个孩子。

黛比 Baigrie

伊恩 was given a life sentence–at only 14

In February 1991, 伊恩 pleaded guilty to the charges of armed robbery and attempted murder. The judge sentenced him to life in prison, without parole. But that didn’和黛比坐在一起。

“The judge said, ‘曼努埃尔先生,我们将为您树立榜样,”” 黛比 told 今天.

他们判处他成年徒刑……对我而言,这令人心碎。

黛比 Baigrie to 今天

While he served his sentence, 伊恩 was filled with regret. Two years into it, he finally mustered up enough courage to contact 黛比 and placed a collect call.

“她一接到电话,我就说:‘Miss Baigrie, this is 伊恩. I’m just calling to tell you I’m sorry for shooting you, and I wish you and your family a merry Christmas,'” he said.

那’s what I blurted out. What do you say to somebody you shot, you know?

伊恩 Manuel in 今天

这次电话给黛比带来了完全的惊喜,黛比要进行10年的整容手术才能下颌。

“我为之震惊,因为(袭击)当时还很新鲜。”黛比说。 “但是他打电话道歉。我发现它不寻常且罕见,尤其是对于那个年幼的人。”

But 伊恩 was not done expressing his regrets

“I didn’t consciously forgive him,” 黛比 told 。 “随着时间的流逝,我度过了创伤。”

伊恩 began sending her letters, which 黛比 initially thought to have been written by someone else. “His letters were so articulate and he was so young. I don’t even know if he had started high school yet,” 她说.

当他继续与Debbie往来时,’在康复过程中,她的观点发生了变化。

我以为,哇,这个孩子很聪明。让我们不要浪费生命。让我们给他机会。他很聪明,他很re悔。

黛比 Baigrie in 今天

于是她开始回信。

信件变成了不太可能的友谊

几年前,两人交换了数十封信。黛比说:“即使他还很年轻,他还是很体贴的。”他们写得很好。”

As she got to know 伊恩, she also became acquainted with the details of his case and sentence. She attended his court hearings and the two even shared an occasional wave.

In her heart, 黛比 had forgiven him.

He was so young. It was a mistake. 那不是’t hard to forgive him.

黛比 Baigrie to

黛比告诉他获得GED,并鼓励他“继续学习,阅读和提高自己。”因此,他做到了,并把分数发给她。

她成为我的母亲。她帮助我成长。

伊恩 Manuel to

他们不能’不了解她如何原谅他

那不是’t until he turned 40 that 伊恩 was released from prison, following a Supreme Court decision that prohibited life sentences for juveniles charged with anything less than murder.

And when he was finally free, 黛比 was there to greet him outside.

我要做的事情是我梦dream以求的。我必须在子弹进入或射出的同一地点吻她。

伊恩 Manuel to 今天

许多黛比’的亲戚朋友没有’不明白她怎么能原谅开枪的人。她说:“人们会告诉我,'你是个妄想'和'你有斯德哥尔摩综合症,这根本没有意义。”

但是对她来说,这是关于挽救生命。

我想如果我不帮助和支持他,那将是一条生命的丧失。我的生命并没有因此而失去,我感到他的惩罚远远超出了应有的程度。

黛比 Baigrie to 今天

伊恩’监狱里的经历使她不高兴。由于他的大小和年龄,监狱官员将他隔离开来,这对孩子来说是一个痛苦的磨难。这对他的心理健康造成了严重影响,使他与其他监狱人口隔离了近20年。

如果您在努力原谅某人,请注意以下几点:

黛比’s support from the outside was what helped 伊恩 remain sane in the midst of his trials.

“What does it mean to a traumatized kid, racked with guilt and stuck in solitary confinement, to have the person he hurt recognize his humanity?” Ben Schaefer, 伊恩’律师说。 “没有她,伊恩就不会成为今天的他。”

美好的未来

When 黛比 and 伊恩 reunited, it was at a pizza joint in Tampa not far from where the shooting had occurred 26 years ago. Together, they sat down and discussed 伊恩’的未来计划。

He opened his first bank account and learned how to cook, drive, and do his groceries. 伊恩 also spoke about in college classes about his story with the hope to help others.

我非常感谢这次机会,也很感谢Debbie幸免于难,也幸免于难。

伊恩 Manuel to

As for 黛比, she has an important message about forgiveness

我们都犯错,我们都尽力而为,生命如此短暂。如果有人知道一分钟之内你的生活会怎样,那就是我。我明白那个。我们必须原谅,因为它可以帮助我们治愈。

黛比 Baigrie in 今天

那’我们都可以从中受益。

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